Mother Daughter Relationships

One of the things I’ve come to realize as a mother is the relationship between a mother and her daughter is complex.  It’s the best of times—and the worst of times.  

After spending the last several years dealing with the WORST, I am starting to see what I’ve been hoping to see all along.  My daughter is finally growing up and becoming a responsible young lady.  She’s actually kind of fun to be around these days.

Yesterday she came home from college and treated me to an evening out.  First,  we went enjoyed a nice dinner together.  She shared her college experiences and I updated her on the her three-year-old-”kids-say-the-darndest-things”-son.  Then went to see a Tyler Perry play.  

Hanging out together made me realize some things about motherhood:

1)  If you train up a child in the way that they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it.  They may stray away from time to time but I truly believe they will come to their senses.  I’m living proof of that!

2)  You cannot be your child’s friend while trying to raise them.  Children need an authority figure and not someone they can “negotiate” with on important things like discipline.

3)  You have to be willing to forgive your children for their mistakes.  I definitely was not happy about my daughter becoming a teenage mother but harboring those negative feelings three years later serves no purpose.

4)  A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.  I see so much of myself in my daughter, and even though her struggles and challenges started out much differently than mine as a young woman, I am convinced she’s going to be alright in the end. 

I guess I have my own mother to thank for that.

 

Follow Your Heart

Have you ever noticed how there’s always one person in your circle who will try to rain on your parade?  Sometimes it’s unintentional—they really mean no harm.

I think that was the case the other day when a friend of mine read my blog about graduating from the Cardiac Heart Failure Program at Duke University.  Not long after reading the post, she sent me an email suggesting that, perhaps, I should’ve thought more carefully about exposing my “medical issues” because it could hurt my “professional business.”

I never really thought of it like that. I was just happy about completing a program that was rigorous and restrictive.  But her email got me to thinking if, in fact, people are less likely do do business with someone they know has health issues.  Does your knowing I have a heart condition affect whether or not you will deal with me?  Do you think that affects my ability to give you 100 percent effort on whatever task you’ve hired me for? 

What if I had aids or terminal cancer or was just exceptionally obese? 

I know my friend meant no harm in her comment but she raises a point.  I’m sure there are people who use excuses not to deal with others in business.  But as my good friend and fellow Boomer Diva Nation member, Leslie Flowers, told me:  

For those who may be less likely to do business with you as a result of health issues … it’s their loss and … there is an ABUNDANCE of clients who look deeper than that! Follow your heart, my friend, follow your heart!

 

The Heart of the Matter

Today I graduated.  There was no cap and gown—no pomp and circumstance–just sheer joy and renewed hope.  Today I became a graduate of the Cardiac Heart Failure Program at Duke University Medical Center.

When I signed up back in September, I saw this as my last hope.  I was taking medication but didn’t feel I was getting any better.  When my doctor suggested the program, I knew it was something I just had to do.

For the past three months, I went to the facility for cardiotherapy and nutrition assistance, faithfully, twice a week–24 sessions in all.  

I’ll never forget how hard it was to walk a few short feet from my car to the gym without being out of breath for the first couple of weeks and how often I cried because I was so embarrassed to be the youngest patient there.

But as time went on, here’s what I learned:

Stay out of the pity pool:  It’s too easy to jump into but hard to get out of.  And some well meaning folks will keep you there if you let them.

The mind is powerful:  In order to achieve it, you must first believe it.  Getting healthy required a strong, positive attitude and a determined spirit and will.

You reap what you sow:  Bad habits of any kind will eventually catch up to you.

Be a testimony:  Use your trials and tribulations to be a testimony for someone else   so that they may be encouraged. 

Never, ever give up!

As a final requirment for graduation, I had to take a test and I’m happy to report I did a little over two miles in 39 minutes and had NO shortness of breath! 

Yes, I will live the rest of my life with congestive heart failure but how I choose to live will be totally up to me.

 

Your Daily Survival Kit

If you were heading into the wilderness for a camping trip, you would certainly pack a survival kit.   Life, in general, can sometimes be thought of as a wilderness adventure.  You know you’re headed somewhere–but trying to get through while going through can be challenging.

Here are some items I recommend for a Daily Survival Kit:

*TOOTHPICK – to remind you to pick out the good qualities in others – Matthew 7:1

*RUBBER BAND – to remind you to be flexible. Things might not always go the way you want, but it will work out – Romans 8:28

*BAND AID – to remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or someone else’s – Colossians 3:12-14

*PENCIL – to remind you to list your blessings everyday – Ephesians 1:3

*ERASER – To remind you that everyone makes mistakes, & it’s okay – Genesis 50:15-21

*CHEWING GUM – to remind  you to stick with it, & you can accomplish anything – Philippians 4:13

*MINT – to remind you that you are worth a mint – John 3:16-17

*CANDY KISS – to remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug everyday – John 4:7

*TEA BAG – to remind you to relax daily and go over your list of blessings – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

© Barbara Cagle Ray

 

 

Your Word is Your Reputation

I want to share a recent experience I had here with a fellow business owner on one of my online social networking sites because it raises a point about making connections and our reputations as business people.

I was interested in someone’s services so I contacted them. The first time I got a voice mail. I tried to briefly explain what I needed and asked that they call me back at their earliest convenience so I could get the ball rolling. I never heard from them so I called back–at which time I did get the person–who said they were in a meeting but as soon as they wrapped up they would call me and discuss my project. NEVER HEARD FROM THEM.

Because of the importance of the project, I had to move forward—so with the assistance of another member of the same site, I contacted someone else. The first time I got voice mail, but unlike the previous person, they responded almost immediately and, of course, I was immediately impressed. I gave them the project and am happy to say that, as of this writing, the first phase is completed.

I really wanted to give my business to the first person I contacted but their lack of follow-up gave me the impression they weren’t really interested in my business. Now, that may not have been the case–but they could’ve at least given me the courtesy of a phone call or even an email to say “I’d love to help you but I’m really busy…” or whatever. To date, they still haven’t called.

In the end, it worked out–which makes me believe this is the way it was intended to be. But I think it’s important for everyone here to realize that your word is your reputation. How you conduct yourself with others will have a lasting effect.

Ask yourself: Are you a person of your word or just FULL OF WORDS?

 

You Need Focus to Find Your Vision

My college daughter called me this week and asked me to pray for her because she felt like she was losing her focus.  She says college life and the work involved has become overwhelming.  As cruel as it may sound to you, the first thing I said to her was “Welcome to the next journey of your REAL world.”

No doubt my daughter has a lot on her plate.  In addition to trying to complete the second year of college, she also has a 3-year-old son to think about and a part-time job that has her commuting about 45 minutes each way on the weekends.  But what I wanted to make her understand is these are the issues that have been been created in her life.  She can either deal with them or roll over and play dead.

I told my daughter that God gives us all a vision—but it is up to us to clear our minds and FOCUS.  

Here are some tips for people who feel like they’re eyes are OFF the prize:

1. Check Your Emotions
If you are charged or upset about something then keep reminding yourself that these emotions will not allow you to get to the next level.

2. Let it Go
Do not dwell on the would’ve, should’ve, could’ve.  You have to let the “stuff” go and move forward.  If you find yourself stuck in a rut, find an anchor in a confidant or professional.  No use crying over spilled milk–just wipe it up and get a new glass.  

3. Take A Breather
If you feel you are losing focus -stop, switch off and come back refreshed.

4. Keep a Notepad handy
Maybe that distracting thinking that keeps coming into your head is a good idea and could be useful. Write it down so that you know it is there, re-focus and come back to it later

5. Reschedule
The mind will wander when you are tired so re-schedule. Its more productive to stay focused on the work you are doing. It takes a lot of practice but it’s worth it.

As a parent, I do appreciate the fact that my daughter came to me to ask for prayer.  At least I know she knows where her help and strength comes from.

What have you done to help your child lately?

 

The New Cardiac Kids

I’m a Cleveland Browns fan and have been ever since I can remember.  My mom went to school with one of the original Browns (Marion Motley) and my dad used to take me to some of the games.

All of you baby boomers who are true die-hard football fans will remember a quarterback named Brian Sipe.  He led the Browns to many thrilling moments and caused many of us fans to go into near cardiac arrest while watching them come back from big deficits to win games.  They became known as the “Kardiac Kids.”

Flip the script 30 years later and there’s a new group of cardiac kids.  But instead of being in Cleveland, we’re here in North Carolina.  Our thrilling moments come when we can walk a mile rather effortlessly around the track and breathe without contantly grasping for air.

We are the cardiac patients undergoing cardiotherapy at Duke Center for Living.  It’s one of the best kept secrets with state of the art equipment and real professionals who genuinely care about our health and well being. 

Maybe the fact that it costs $107 a session has something to do with that genuine concern

Knowing I have congestive heart failure and heart disease is the #1 killer of women over 40 makes me thrilled to know Duke’s Center for Living is part of the best that healthcare has to offer for this new breed of cardiac kids.

 

Feeling Overwhelmed

For the past several weeks, my brain has been on overload and my body is drained.  I have been dealing with a number of personal and professional issues that are catching up to my well-being.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, I am feeling OVERWHELMED!  Twitter and Facebook don’t excite me like they used to.  If I don’t make another connection, I won’t lose any sleep over it.  But the problem is I AM LOSING SLEEP.  My mind is restless—filled with issues that demand my attention—that no one else can do or is willing to do.

I went searching for some answers and read a number of articles that told me to take  a deep breath and exhale —or to walk it out to relieve my anxiety.  While that may sound like sound advice to some, it provides no consolation when its late at night and the idea of walking in darkness is cause for even more anxiety.

Have you ever been to a point like this in your own life?  How do you handle it?  How do you turn this type of mess into a message?

 

Are You Drowning in Your Own Pity Pool?

 

Without God’s Love for you and me, the days of the week would have been MOURNDAY, TEARSDAY, WASTEDAY, THIRSTDAY, FIGHTDAY, SHATTERDAY, & SADDAY.

So we need to give God the Glory who made the days a Blessing to US! Have a strong conviction that it shall be well with you from this day forward. 

I do believe that no matter how many obstacles we come across, we will succeed if we have the faith of a mustard seed.

 

Be Careful of Your Choices in Life

Once upon a time there was a young woman who had four boyfriends.

She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.

She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.

The girl’s first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend Al though he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, ‘I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, will I be a alone.’

Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, ‘I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?
‘No way!’, replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.

His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, ‘I loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?’ ‘No!’, replied the third boyfriend. ‘Life is too good! When you die, I’m going to marry someone else!’ Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the second boyfriend, ‘I have always turned to you for help and you’ve always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?’

‘I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!’, replied the second boyfriend.. ‘At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.’   His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: ‘I’ll go with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go. ‘ The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, ‘I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!’

In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives:

Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your third boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.

Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your first boyfriend is your spirit. It’s often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you’re in the perfect position to pray.